When Nurses Hurt Nurses

“
All persons ought to endeavor to follow what is right, and not what is established.” Aristole

Several weeks ago, I came across a LinkedIn post by Aryana Rivera about bullying. In the post highlighted how someone had attempted to bully her online. Fortunately, Aryana called it out publicly, giving her followers a clear view of what it was and what it wasn’t. Her courage prompted an important conversation in the comments section.

Coming across that post took me back to a version of myself that existed years ago before I had grown into my professional and personal identity. Back then, I could not speak up. I could not speak out and this made me wonder: how many new nurses recognize bullying when it happens especially when it comes from colleagues? 

Bullying in nursing by nurses refers to repeated, harmful behaviours by one nurse or a group of nurses towards another. These actions may be verbal, physical, psychological, or professional in nature and typically occur over a prolonged period. Unfortunately, such behaviours are often cloaked as “tough love”a form of professional initiation but they are, in reality, a toxic culture that spreads like cancer through the lymphatic system of healthcare settings.

Bullying manifests in different forms. Based on who is involved, we can categorize it as:

Lateral Violence – bullying between peers at the same level.

Vertical Violence – bullying from a superior (e.g., a charge nurse to a staff nurse), or even from staff towards a manager.

In terms of presentation, bullying may be:

Covert – subtle actions like exclusion, silent treatment, eye-rolling.

Overt – open acts like yelling, mocking, or public insults.

Examples of bullying within nursing include:

• Undermining another nurse’s work or competence.
• Spreading rumours or gossip.
• Withholding essential information.
• Sabotaging assignments (e.g., mis-labelling charts.

Globally, the seriousness of bullying in healthcare is well acknowledged. The World Health Organization (WHO), American Nurses Association (ANA), and the International Council of Nurses (ICN) all recognize workplace violence including bullying as a public health concern. Should we be worried? Yes, we absolutely should be. Recent studies affirm this concern. A narrative review found that horizontal violence disproportionately affects new graduates and less-experienced nurses, who are especially vulnerable to repeated harm by their peers (Gaffney et al., 2021). Similarly, a meta-analysis conducted in Ethiopia between 2016 and 2024 showed that 39.4% of nurses had experienced workplace violence, including incivility and bullying. Some individual studies reported prevalence as high as 61.3% (Abate et al., 2024). Comparable data from Kenya, South Africa, the United States, and the United Kingdom consistently highlight high rates of bullying in high-stress units such as ICUs, emergency departments, and teaching hospitals (Park et al., 2022). 

Causes

Research shows that bullying is often rooted in stressful working environments with high workloads and inadequate support (Sellers et al., 2019). It thrives in hierarchical systems, where poor leadership and lack of accountability create loopholes for toxic behaviours to flourish (Kim, Y. et al., 2023). It is further sustained by burnout, unresolved trauma, and a workplace culture that normalises “toughening up” junior staff (Kim, S. C., & Kim, I. H., 2024).

Consequences

For the nurse being targeted, the consequences can be devastating: anxiety, depression, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), burnout, and ultimately, withdrawal from the profession.

For patient care, bullying leads to communication breakdowns, reduced collaboration, and medical errors. Patients may feel the effects through poor care quality or increased complaints.

At the organizational level, bullying contributes to high turnover, low morale, and tarnished reputations—especially in institutions that train or mentor nurses (Chang et al., 2022).

Correcting it

As Individuals:

1. Keep detailed records of bullying incidents.
2. Seek mentorship or peer support.
3. Use assertive communication to set boundaries.
4. Report incidents through formal institutional channels.

At the Organisational Level:

1. Enforce clear anti-bullying policies.
2. Establish a zero-tolerance culture, modelled by leadership.
3. Introduce mandatory training on respectful communication.
4. Create support structures such as counselling and ombudsman services.
5. Encourage bystander intervention and safe reporting systems.

At the National/Policy Level:

1. Strengthen labour laws that address workplace harassment.
2. Include civility and professional ethics in nursing curricula.
3. Promote unions and professional associations that defend nurses’ rights.

In summary , by fostering a nursing culture where respect, compassion, and collaboration exist we can replace intimidation and silence. We must move from a culture of endurance to one of dignity because healing is not just for patients it starts with us.

References

Abate, B. B., Chekole, Y. A., Kassa, A. M., & Kassie, A. M. (2024). Prevalence of workplace violence and associated factors among nurses in Ethiopia: A systematic review and meta-analysis. BMC Nursing, 23(1), 105. https://doi.org/10.1186/s12912-024-02660-y

Chang, H. E., Hur, J., & Park, S. (2022). Impact of nurse–nurse collaboration and communication on patient safety and quality of care: A systematic review. International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health, 19(17), 10855. https://doi.org/10.3390/ijerph191710855

Gaffney, D. A., DeMarco, R. F., Hofmeyer, A., Vessey, J. A., & Budin, W. C. (2021). An integrative review of nurse-to-nurse lateral violence and bullying in the United States. Nursing Forum, 56(1), 69–84. https://doi.org/10.1111/nuf.12512

Kim, S. C., & Kim, I. H. (2024). The effectiveness of cognitive rehearsal programs in reducing workplace bullying among clinical nurses: A meta-analysis. BMC Public Health, 24(1), 569. https://doi.org/10.1186/s12889-024-18969-x

Kim, Y., Lee, E., & Lee, H. (2023). Horizontal violence and turnover intention among registered nurses: A meta-analysis. Journal of Nursing Management, 31(1), 3–13. https://doi.org/10.1111/jonm.13746

Park, M., Cho, S. H., & Hong, H. J. (2022). Interventions for workplace bullying in healthcare: A scoping review. Journal of Advanced Nursing, 78(1), 18–29. https://doi.org/10.1111/jan.14990

Sellers, K., Millenbach, L., Ward, K., & Scribani, M. (2019). The degree of horizontal violence in RNs practicing in New York State. Journal of Nursing Administration, 49(3), 136–142. https://doi.org/10.1097/NNA.0000000000000724

Contained Chaos

 “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle.” Plato

For anyone who has ever assisted in or performed an intubation, the intensity of those few moments is unforgettable. No matter how prepared you are: mentally, technically, emotionally there’s always an inner dialogue running: Is everything ready? What if this fails? You're praying silently, hoping everything goes as planned. Yet, despite meticulous preparation, some days just don’t cooperate. The laryngoscope light may fail at the worst possible moment, the blade might not fit right, or excessive bleeding may obstruct your view. In such high-stakes scenarios, clinical knowledge is vital but what often makes the difference is quick thinking, emotional regulation, and having a solid backup plan (A, B, C… sometimes even D). But here's the uncomfortable truth: these emotionally charged moments don't only test the skill of the intubating clinician they test the entire team and unfortunately, not everyone rises to the occasion with grace.

When Pressure Breeds Hostility

Instead of shared focus and calm, some situations devolve into finger-pointing, passive-aggressive comments, or open hostility eg greater risk of cross contamination. Colleagues may blame one another or the institution for missing equipment or poor outcomes. But when tools are available, and there has been a lapse in individual preparedness, the responsibility must be owned. It may be an unpopular opinion, but in any setting where resources are present, you are responsible for ensuring all necessary tools are functioning and ready before beginning any critical procedure. This is not about perfectionism it’s about patient safety.

A Culture of Safety Starts With You

Blame culture erodes trust and teamwork. According to the Agency for Healthcare Research and Quality (AHRQ), a true culture of safety relies on mutual respect, shared responsibility, and open communication. It's about preventing errors before they happen, not assigning blame after they do (AHRQ, 2019).

When emotional outbursts replace communication, or when anger clouds clinical reasoning, we don’t just create a toxic workplace we compromise the care we’re meant to deliver. That’s not just a personal failure; it’s a systemic risk.

Own Your Emotions  and Your Growth

We are human hence frustration is inevitable but how we manage that frustration especially in moments of high pressure determines whether we’re promoting a culture of safety or chipping away at it.

If you find yourself struggling with repeated irritability, misplaced blame, or emotional overload, it’s okay to seek help. Therapy, peer support, reflective practice, and even anger management are all valid tools for professional development. Emotional maturity is not optional in healthcare it’s part of our duty of care.

Reflection as a Clinical Skill

In those moments that haunt us or humble us we must ask:

What could I have done differently?

Did I lead with safety or react with ego?

What will I do next time to uphold care, not just competency?

Reflection is not indulgence it’s a clinical skill. It allows us to learn, improve, and safeguard both patients and colleagues. 

In conclusion, no shift will ever be perfect. equipment fails, situations escalate. emotions rise but how we show up for our team and patients when it matters most that’s what defines our professionalism.

So before you blame a colleague, raise your voice, or dismiss a mistake pause. Breathe. Reflect. Because contained chaos only leads to safe care when it’s met with clear minds, respectful communication, and a shared commitment to better.

Reference:

Agency for Healthcare Research and Quality. (2019). Culture of safety. Patient Safety Network. https://psnet.ahrq.gov/primer/culture-safety

Beyond the title

"Just as there are two sides to every story, there are two sides to every person. One that we reveal to the world and another we keep hidden inside." Emily Thorne

 Nurses, whether practicing or not are endlessly fascinating individuals. We’re a diverse tapestry of creativity, drive, and dreams that society rarely gets to see. All too often, we’re boxed into one narrow identity: “the nurse” but that’s only a slice of who we are.

When we take on non-clinical roles bakers, writers, cat enthusiasts—they assume we’ve “left nursing” forever. That notion couldn’t be further from the truth. Yes, we carry skills and values from our profession into our lives, but they don’t define the entirety of who we are. I am a nurse, yes but I’m also an awesome baker, I am also a writer and  I’m obsessed with cats. I’ve built a life around these passions and stories that deserve unpacking ( possibly at a different time  and forum). I bring richness to the table when we step outside rigid boxes and so do my colleagues and so if you're a nurse scared to explore what else you're good at  do not be because you’ll be amazed how much of your spark you’ll find again in this process.

Why Hobbies Matter for Nurses

Engaging in activities beyond work isn’t indulgent it’s essential.

Research shows that leisure activities reduce stress, anxiety, depression, and job burnout (Chang et al., 2007; Iwasaki, 2006; Chiu et al., 2020). In one study involving 176 nurses, a simple hospital-based leisure program led to improved well-being across five domains: detachment, mastery, autonomy, meaning, and social connection (Chen et al., 2022). Similarly, a large meta-analysis of over 93,000 adults found that engaging in hobbies was associated with significantly greater health, happiness, and life satisfaction, regardless of employment status or health background (Mak et al., 2023).

Intrinsic joy and fulfillment comes from having something just for you something that isn’t measured by clinical outcomes or patient satisfaction surveys.

Even nurses in the trenches find ways to keep their passions alive:

“I crochet… keeps me relaxed… clear my mind from things that aren’t work.” (Reddit user, as cited in Chang et al., 2007)
“I bake sourdough bread… maintaining the culture feeds my science‑y side.” (Reddit user, as cited in Iwasaki, 2006)

Hobbies aren’t distractions they’re lifelines.

How to Reclaim Your Identity (and Your Spark)

1. Start small – Ten minutes of baking, writing, knitting, or pet care can reset your emotional state (Mak et al., 2023).

2. Schedule it – Treat your hobby as an appointment, not an afterthought.

3. Seek mastery – Hobbies build confidence and activate your brain’s reward system (Chiu et al., 2020).

4. Share with peers – Whether crocheting in the staff room or sharing cupcakes, hobbies help reduce emotional exhaustion and foster connection (Chen et al., 2022).

A Call to Rediscover Yourself

Nursing isn’t your whole story, it’s the chapter you write, not the headline on your book cover. Stepping into the other parts of yourself isn’t betrayal. It’s liberation. So if you’re boxed in by expectations dare to break out. Bake. Write. Dance. Skate. Code. Serenade your plants if you want to (I won’t judge—my cats  and I do it). That spark you’ve dimmed? Watch it glow again because when nurses bring the full spectrum of who we are compassion and curiosity, limits and limitless selves then both we and those we care for shine brighter.

Remember "Your nurse skillset is powerful but who you are beyond the shift is your superpower.

References

Chen, S., He, X., Xu, Y., Li, L., He, L., & Zhang, Y. (2022). Effects of a hospital-based leisure activities programme on nurses’ stress, burnout and well-being: A mixed-method study. Journal of Nursing Management, 30(3), 685–693. https://doi.org/10.1111/jonm.13571

Chang, P. J., Wray, L., & Lin, Y. (2007). Social relationships, leisure activity, and health in older adults. Health Psychology, 26(4), 378–385. https://doi.org/10.1037/0278-6133.26.4.378

Chiu, M., Lin, C., Wang, W., & Fang, C. (2020). The effects of leisure activities on mental health and life satisfaction among older adults. Aging & Mental Health, 24(8), 1260–1268. https://doi.org/10.1080/13607863.2019.1590307

Iwasaki, Y. (2006). Leisure and quality of life in an international and multicultural context: What are major pathways linking leisure to quality of life? Social Indicators Research, 82(2), 233–264. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11205-006-9032-z

Mak, H. W., Fancourt, D., & Burton, A. (2023). Engagement in leisure activities and wellbeing across different age groups: A large-scale analysis in over 93,000 adults. Nature Medicine. https://doi.org/10.1038/s41591-023-02345-9

Redefining the narrative

"To do what nobody else will do, a way that nobody else can do, in spite of all we go through; that is to be a nurse." Rawsi Williams

Who Really Understands What Nurses Do?

The truth is, many people don’t.
They see the tasks we perform but not the expertise behind them. They witness us checking vitals, administering medication, or assisting with hygiene, and assume that’s all there is to nursing.

But nursing is not a job defined by routine tasks. It is a profession rooted in critical thinking, compassion, technical skill, and autonomous decision-making. Yet time and again, our role is simplified, shrunk into a sentence, reduced to stereotypes, or misunderstood entirely.

It’s time we change that.

We need to reclaim the conversation and redefine our role, not just for ourselves, but for the future of healthcare. Nursing is leadership. Nursing is advocacy. Nursing is science. It’s coordinating complex care plans, managing emergencies, guiding families through difficult decisions, and championing patient rights when no one else will. 

We must challenge the outdated lens through which nursing is viewed. Because until we do, the public will continue to underestimate the value we bring, and that misunderstanding can cost lives.

So let’s be bold about what we do. Let’s speak up. Let’s show up. Let’s teach the world that nursing isn’t “just” anything
It’s everything when it comes to patient care.

Stop Saying Nursing Is a Calling-It’s a Profession

Let’s be clear: nursing is not a calling. It’s a profession greatly rooted in science, skill, education, and critical decision-making. Calling it a "calling" may sound noble, but in reality, it’s often used to romanticize or justify the challenges many of them man-made that nurses face daily. From understaffing and poor remuneration to unsafe work environments and emotional exhaustion, these issues aren’t part of some divine vocation. They are systemic problems that require practical, policy-driven solutions. As nurses we didn’t sign up to be martyrs. We are trained to be competent, respected healthcare professionals, deserving of fair treatment, proper compensation, and a safe, supportive working environment.

When Blame Becomes a Bandage: Rethinking Negligence in Nursing

One question always lingers in the background of public discourse: “But what about the nurses documented to have been negligent?” It’s a valid concern, one that demands careful, contextual reflection. I can’t speak for every nurse, and I won’t defend wrongdoing but what I can do is ask: from what lens are these cases being viewed? Too often, the scrutiny is one-sided. The public sees the outcome, not the environment that created it. Many nurses operate in toxic systems, hierarchies where dysfunction starts at the top and trickles down to the caregivers. Workplaces where policies contradict practical realities. Where expectations rise, but support doesn't. Where the scope of practice is clearly defined, yet routinely denied in execution. In such systems, errors become more likely, not because of incompetence, but because of burnout, moral distress, and systemic failure and because nurses are the ones constantly present with patients, they become the easiest targets for blame, expected to manage crises they were never equipped to handle alone. It’s not an excuse. It’s a reality. A reality that becomes clearer to those who understand grief, trauma, mental health, and the emotional toll of caregiving because the truth is: while one incident may be manageable, repeated exposure to high-stakes suffering without relief renders even the strongest nurse humanly inept at some point. Negligence should never be ignored, but neither should the system that cultivates it. Until we start evaluating these situations with empathy, understanding, and systemic awareness, we will keep confusing cries for help with acts of harm.

Rude Nurses? Let’s Talk About the Culture Behind the Curtain

We’ve all heard the stories, or lived them. The nurse with the curt tone. The one who snapped instead of soothed. The one whose words felt more like a warning than a welcome, but before we reduce these individuals to one trait or label the entire profession, we need to pause and ask: Why are some nurses rude? The answer isn’t always simple because human behavior is shaped by both nature and nurture—and nursing is no exception. Some people, yes, may simply lack empathy. But for many, it’s a learned behavior often shaped by training environments where kindness wasn’t modeled, or workplaces where survival meant keeping emotions in check. When nursing schools operate on hierarchy and fear rather than mentorship and support, that culture spills into practice. Then there’s frustration the deep, unspoken frustration. Many nurses invested years of effort, late nights, grueling exams, and emotional strain to earn their license, only to step into a system where their worth isn't reflected in pay, respect, or working conditions. Schedules are brutal especially in the private sector and sleep is rare. This often leads to our personal relationships suffering. Poor pay then results to our Finances being stretched and with every sacrifice, the gap between what we hoped for and what we face grows wider. None of this justifies mistreating patients. But it does help us understand where the sharp edges come from. Change won’t come by calling nurses out, it will come by calling systems in. We need to improve how we train, support, and reward our healthcare workers. We need to model kindness, offer mentorship, and ensure that those giving care are cared for too, because sometimes, all it takes is one healthy, empathetic environment to turn a once “rude” nurse into a remarkable one.

Navigating Different Encounters with Nurses: A Practical Guide for the Public

Whether you've had a positive or challenging experience with a nurse, understanding the context and responding with awareness can significantly improve not only your experience but ours too. Behind closed doors, nurses are often reminded to act from a place of awareness and emotional intelligence. However, based on everything we've just unpacked, how realistic is that expectation in every situation? The truth is, we can always try but the chances of success are far greater when awareness and empathy are shared responsibilities, not burdens placed on one side alone. To support that shared effort, here are some practical tips for navigating various encounters with nurses:

1. If You Feel a Nurse Is Being Rude or Cold

Try This:

• Stay calm. Don’t escalate. A harsh tone may be the result of burnout, not personal animosity.
• Use respectful curiosity. “You seem a bit rushed, can I ask when might be a better time to talk?” opens the door without sounding accusatory.
• Offer kindness. Sometimes, a simple “I know it’s been a tough day thank you for being here” softens even the hardest exterior.

Nurses  often carry emotional burdens and deal with back-to-back patients. A little empathy goes a long way in humanizing both sides of the encounter.

2. If You Feel a Nurse Is Negligent

Try This:

• Speak up calmly but firmly. “I’m concerned about how this was handled—can we go over it together?”
• Document details. If something feels off, note the time, actions, and outcomes. Be specific.
• Escalate responsibly. Use proper channels talk to the nurse manager or patient advocate before assuming ill intent.

Systems often fail nurses just as much as they fail patients. Before placing blame, make sure you’re seeing the full picture, and don’t hesitate to involve someone who can help clarify or intervene appropriately.

3. If You’re Confused About What a Nurse Actually Does

Try This:

• Ask questions. Nurses are educators too. Ask: “Can you explain what your role is in this process?”
• Avoid assumptions. Don’t refer to them as “just the assistant” or “the helper.” Nurses are autonomous professionals.
• Respect their judgment. They assess, plan, and make critical decisions not just follow orders. However, if in doubt its within your legal right to seek a second opinion.

Understanding their role builds trust and enhances communication, making your care more collaborative and effective.

4. If You Meet a Nurse Who’s Truly Exceptional

Try This:

• Say thank you—with specifics. “The way you explained my treatment plan made all the difference.”
• Leave a review or write a note. Nurses rarely get credit for their wins.
• Nominate them. Many hospitals have internal awards or recognition programs.

Positive reinforcement strengthens morale and helps shift the culture of nursing toward one of pride and respect.

5. As a Patient or Caregiver: What You Can Do to Support Nurses

• Practice patience. Nurses may be handling life-or-death situations in other rooms.
• Be honest and clear. Speak up about your needs, but try not to demand immediate action unless it’s urgent.
• Be a partner, not a passive recipient. Engage in your care by asking questions and taking notes.
• Advocate for systemic change. If you notice staff stretched thin or unsafe conditions, talk to hospital leadership. Complaining to the nurse caring for you just reinforces their frustration and in all honesty what do you want them to do. Unless they are the leader themselves. Advocacy isn’t just for insiders.

6. As a Fellow Nurse or Healthcare Worker

• Model empathy. New nurses especially need kindness, not criticism.
• De-escalate, don’t humiliate. Support your peers privately and constructively.
• Speak up for culture change. Push for better training, mentorship, and emotional support structures.

In summary, let’s build a culture where empathy and accountability coexist, where we as nurses feel safe to care, and patients feel safe in our  care. Behind every nurse is a human being, sometimes hurting, sometimes healing but always trying. Understanding our world doesn’t excuse poor behavior, but it can transform how we all respond to it.

Guess who is back

Keep going. Quietly. Powerfully. Authentically.

Because when you’re truly ready, they won’t need an announcement. They’ll see the results.

To anyone working on personal goals:

Silence, when used with intention, is one of the greatest tools you’ll ever own.

In a world that urges us to overshare, to explain every move, to be loud with our plans—choose to move quietly, with purpose.

You don’t owe everyone an explanation. Not everyone deserves to know your story.

Growth is often a quiet process.

It’s in the early mornings when no one is watching,

The late nights filled with second-guessing,

The quiet sacrifices no one applauds,

And the silent prayers whispered between exhaustion and hope.

While others are loud about appearances, choose to be loud in discipline.

Choose to:

• Refine your craft

• Secure your academic papers

• Build authentic networks with mentors who stretch your vision

And when you feel tired, overwhelmed, or unseen—write it down, reflect, pray about it.

Because one day, when preparation meets opportunity, nothing—and no one—will stop your rise

For instance,

•Oprah Winfrey was raised in poverty. But behind the scenes, she honed her storytelling and public speaking skills long before she ever stepped on a stage.

•Dr. Ben Carson went from poor grades and a troubled environment to becoming one of the world’s most respected neurosurgeons—through silent, consistent effort, and unwavering faith.

• Wangari Maathai, often dismissed and doubted, educated herself, mobilized grassroots efforts, and became the first African woman to win a Nobel Peace Prize.

They didn’t explain.

They executed.

And the world adjusted.

This is why I created the Raywan Nurses Reflective Journal—a simple, intentional tool to help nurses, students, and professionals make sense of their journey.

This journal is more than paper—it’s a companion for your inner work, helping you:

• Process your daily practice

• Track your emotional and intellectual growth

• Stay grounded during difficult rotations or seasons

• Align your purpose with your professional steps

Whether you're on the ward, in school, or working behind the scenes of your dream, reflection prepares you for greatness.

Let's be great together.