CLEAVE

"Grief is not a disorder, a disease or a sign of weakness. It is an emotional, physical and spiritual necessity, the price you pay for love. The only cure for grief is to grieve." Earl Grollman

Since the last blogpost things have been quite challenging. I have had to do a lot of introspection. More intently  into the parts of me that I avoid exploring. Using the word arduous would be an understatement. I have experienced a lot of grief in different spheres and this had led me to try learn and unlearn from my previously held misconceptions. From this I have learnt  three main lessons. These are;

Lesson 1. Grief is personal

"Nothing that grieves us can be called little; by the external laws of proportion a child's loss of a doll and a king's loss of a crown are events of the same size." Mark Twain, 'Which Was The Dream?'

In our setup, grief is synonymous with loss of a loved one. However, that is propaganda. in my experience grief has been

1.  Walking past a friends gate and wanting to call but suddenly realizing that she is deceased. 

2. Watching my classmates graduate before me due to unforeseen circumstances.

3. Witnessing a friend achieve a goal yet nothing is forthcoming for me.

4. Loss of relationships... and so forth, in summary it has been a lot

All this scenarios gave me the same exact feeling. It was a feeling of great physical and emotional distress.

Lesson 2. Grieving is a process

Several theories have been developed to try explain grieving  for better understanding. The general conclusion is that grieving is indeed a process and its not linear. Their is no specific timeframe that guarantees things get easier nevertheless understanding what one is going through is the beginning of moving ahead. 

Lesson 3. It is inevitable

A not so fun fact is that at one time or another grief must befall us .

as I conclude  all this experiences have led me to have a better appreciation of Arthur Goldens words “Grief is a most peculiar thing; we’re so helpless in the face of it. It’s like a window that will simply open of its own accord. The room grows cold, and we can do nothing but shiver. But it opens a little less each time, and a little less; and one day we wonder what has become of it.”

References

Hamilton I. J. (2016). Understanding grief and bereavement. The British journal of general practice : the journal of the Royal College of General Practitioners, 66(651), 523. https://doi.org/10.3399/bjgp16X687325